Last Resort
by Seadragon
Summary: When you've been left all alone, what would you're last resort be? [Implied slash] [Rated because of death] [Complete]


Cut into my life into pieces  
  
This is my last resort,  
  
Suffocation no breathing  
  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding  
  
I don't want to go on this way. Only you can change that. But you can't. Or you won't? I don't know and probably never will. I'm alone, with no one to hold me when I cry. No one to love me when you're gone. And you're gone, all too gone. I don't want to believe it, but I know I have to. There is no choice, there never was. Not even he can help me anymore. I have finally realized how alone I am. I think I was living a dream, under the false illusion that you were coming back. And now, now I have realized that is never happening. I could end it right now if I wanted to. And I do want to, how I want to.  
  
This is my last resort  
  
But I don't think I can. What do you think of me now? To afraid to follow you where no one should ever go. But I know, that in the end, I will, and I won't be afraid. I'm just waiting for the right moment. What point is there in staying? None really, and I know that as well. If you could hear me, I know you would be laughing. Me knowing something? Simply not possible! But you had better believe it. I know you're gone, I know I am alone, I know you're never ever coming back. I'd say I know too much. I cant live in that illusion any more. I've realized what is going on around me, and I don't like it.  
  
Cut my life into pieces  
  
I've reached my last resort,  
  
Suffocation no breathing  
  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding  
  
Do you even care if I die pleading  
  
Would it be wrong, would it be right  
  
If I took my life tonight,  
  
Chances are that I might  
  
Mudilation outta sight  
  
and I'm comtemplating suicide  
  
I would run if I wasn't so afraid. But no, I'd rather just end it, right here, right now. Do you think anyone would care? I don't. You don't know what it's like to have to hide from everyone. Wait, yes you do, you do all too well. And I know that too. Once again, I know too much. I wish I could suffer from amnesia, these memories are too hard to live with. Would you think I was a coward running from my problems? I don't have anything to live for, so what does it matter. Once you were gone, I was gone on the inside, and I think they all knew that. There was no need for prison, I already relive everything in my head every day, every night. It's a torture all it's own, and I think I'm losing my mind.  
  
'Cause, I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
  
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
  
I'm running and I'm crying  
  
I can't escape this nightmare I'm living. Matter how fast I run, I cant run away from this. It's too huge. I already know one thing, one thing I hope they remember me by. But will they remember me? Ah yes. They will. They will remember me as the man who betrayed his best friends. But I didn't. You know that, I know that, and they know that. Everyone who really mattered. Well, actually, you're the only one who really mattered. And I think everyone knows that too. If they don't, they must be blind.  
  
I never realized I was spread too thin  
  
Till it was too late and I was empty within  
  
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin  
  
Downward spiral, where do I begin  
  
It all started when I lost my mother  
  
No love for myself and no love for another  
  
Searching to find a love upon a higher level  
  
Finding nothing but QUESTIONS AND DEVILS  
  
So I have made my choice. Don't think me weak, running from my problems. I only had only one problem in my life. And that was losing you. When they find me, it will be too late, because I've made my choice, and there is no magic that can save me now. So this is both good bye, and hello, I hope you're waiting for me.  
  
'Cause, I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
  
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
  
I'm running and I'm crying  
  
They found the body of Sirius Black the next day. They could only have a small private ceremony, because he was still on the run. Only his oldest friends were allowed to come. There was Remus Lupin, the one left behind, the Last Marauder. There was May Dawson, forgotten for so long. Harry Potter, finally alone in this world along with his two closest friends. Albus Dumbledore, whose mistakes wont let him sleep at night. Minerva McGonagall, who had handed out so many detentions to the four, and was finally free at nights, not called away for a late night detention. And finally, there was me. I was watching. Waiting for you. I knew you were coming. So I was waiting, waiting.  
  
I can't go on living this way  
  
They buried him a few days later. It was a sad day, but one person there was happy. Remus Lupin was smiling even as they lowered the body of one of his best friend's into his tomb. He was smiling, because Sirius was going back to James.  
  
Cut my life into pieces  
  
I've reached my last resort,  
  
Suffocation no breathing  
  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding  
  
Do you even care if I die pleading  
  
Would it be wrong, would it be right  
  
If I took my life tonight,  
  
Chances are that I might  
  
Mudilation outta sight  
  
and I'm comtemplating suicide  
  
And on his tomb stone, were these simple words.  
  
"Padfoot"  
From the beginning 'till the end.  
James Potter was his life.  
  
'Cause, I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
  
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
  
I'm running and I'm crying 


End file.
